The last week i have been thinking A LOT!!! which is never a good thing when i actually have to think about things that just are not a natural thought process to me! I always tent to over think things and freak myself out or just think about them till i go crazy! its so anoying i need a robot friend to tell this stuff to so it can just come up with all the things for me!!! bahahaha yeah right fool!!! but anyways back to my thinking...i have decided to really take a trillion steps back and really look at things from a different point and do a lot of observing. Its so amazing the things you see in others when you honestly take the time to really look at them and not just what you see and already know! I mean you think you really know someone and then you just totally take a different approch to knowing them and wow...im blown away!!! I really have tried not to be a judging person in my life but its hard not to be when someone totally hurts you or someone you know and love! Love...? hmm this has come up a lot in my mind! what is it and do i really understand it just being as i am only twenty! here is what i have come up with...This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions. completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that's how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa. This is what love should be right? Thats the perfect image we all want in our lives, or at least its what i thought thats what it ment! Tonight i was tought a very big leason and its a night i wont forget! I have maybe been in what i thought was "LOve" twice in my life. I think i felt what was stated above. I dont know if they did but i most deffinantly did! Now that i am older and not much wiser i have now just stummbled apon something...What happens if you Love someone the way it was stated above but the other has peices of that love missing...what if they love you but dont want to be so forth coming about themselfs, or maybe they dont really see true happyness with you!? is it still love? Remember they still trust you and would do anything for you but is that what love should really be? Something else has crossed my mind... do we as humans let our selfs be defined by our love!? do we get so cought up in the whole thing that we end up really losing or hiding who we are and who we are supposed to be all because we want someone to want us and to love us back?! In my mind thats not how it should be...i dont know how to say what i think it really should be....i guess what i am saying is "love" is selfless, its supposed to be pacient and kind, Its is to delight in the truth of all things. It shouldnt be bostfull or conceited. in my mind it has no limits, it fears nothing. Love is faith, hope, and endurence!!! but then how do we know what these things are? faith what is it?
to me faith is KNOWING that tomorrow will be brighter. To hope is to carry a prayer with us. Endrence is being able to withstand any storm no matter the length of it or how hard it is! now lets back up to my question of losing who you are in the mist of this all, or do we even really know who we are? are we just making ourselfs to fit what we think is "love" matterial? Im sorry but i dont want to live my life in such a way that i have to make myself someone i dont know when i look in the mirror. i dont want to be lost, or have to change to love or to be loved. I love love love the   Inauguration address given by Nelson Mandela it states as follows "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest feat is that we are powerful beyond our measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am i to be brillliant, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?...Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlighening about shrinking so that orher people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory...that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other peoople permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others".
I think i have a firm understanding of it all now!!! i must fist learn of myselfs love then let others love what i am!! and let that love spread to the ones i met!