A moment to remember.

Tomorrow i will wake up and it will be a year. A year since he died...a year since i sat on the front entry way floor and sobbed to the point i couldnt breath. When i think to that day i dont remember much other than tears, feelings, and thoughts. Like most i suddenly thought to the memories... the image of his face...his blue eyes with soft wrinkles on the outer corners. His mischivious smile he could not hide. The way his whole body was comsumed in joy when he laughed. I go back to the viewing and funeral and i see myself in shock of the people who came. I knew he was amazing but i never knew of the power in one mans hands. He had touched so many and given so much. I still think of him daily and puse at times to close my eyes and see if i can see him. The image i get is of a man made whole once again. I know we are told to be happy for them because they are in a better place, and i am but for a few moments tomorrow i will wish he was still here.

I LOVE YOU GRANDPA!!!

Unafraid and unashamed

STOP.....GO......no no..Wait...close your eyes forget about to day and get lost in yesterday.think hard and remember that one thing that you cant let go of. That one mistake...that one simple mistake you made in a moment in time. Remember how it ate you up inside how it tourchered your every thought. you couldnt get over the thought that you would do such a thing. the sick feeling lasted for days, weeks. months, maybe even years. It slowly started to sufficate you from the inside out. okay...now open your eyes. Look in the mirror. Look at yourself...NO REALLY LOOK! Look were you are standing...YOU are not that person anymore. REMEMBER...how you removed that part of your life completely..remember how you asked yourself to let go and forgive yourself and you asked for the forgiveness of others. Remember how you completely changed because of that mistake!!! The truth is that we all make mistakes. We all get stuck in a ditch sometimes and have to slowly climb our way back out. Once we are out and have overcome that mistake we must learn to let go and notice we are better because of it! for all we know the ditch was ment to be there it was put on the driving range for a reason and you overcame it! what mistake have you made? what is it that you have not yet forgiven yourself of? what is it that keeps you from taking a good look in the mirror? You need to move on...let go. live in the now!!! open up and live for today,right here,right now! you will love every breath taking second of it! trust me...I know i do!

NoT yEt AlOnE

WoW its been a minute since i have written anything!  So i have been having a hard few weeks...it seems like when it rains it decides to POUR it all out on top of you!!! (I just wish it was gum balls like in bedtime stories...bummer). but hey...what can i do about it?! put on some poka dot rain boots and a pull out a ladybug umbrella and strut it along the way i guess right! : P the truth is that we all have our sturggles in life and i have grown quite fond of them because without them i dont know what i would do. They have made me so much stronger and i know i can over come anything im like super girl (i just need a kick butt cape and mask). complete side note i just saw a boost moble commercial and i want you all to know how much i hate them! ANYWAYS......as i have stated i LOVE positive awesome things! thats kinda my thing for 2010! One of my awesome friends posted a quote that i love and maybe i love it because i love Marilyn Monroe but i just wanted to share it with you all.  "I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and sometimes hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best". ♥ Marilyn Monroe 
I LOVE THAT!!!! Think about it we all have those days where at some point we can relate to this. I guess in the end what matters most is the person standing next to you along the journey. Maybe its not just one person maybe you have a whole team of people. I know at times we feel alone and a little frustrated with life and its demanding challenges but we always have somewhere to turn and go. NO MATTER what may come our way we all are loved by someone in the world and that very person is thinking of you often. For me knowing that and having a firm understanding that no matter how bad my day is or how great it is i know that someone is on my team and what a reward it will make the journey with them with me!!! The truth is that i am so imperfect, i am out of control becuase i dont like to live life by a rule book, i wear my insecurities on my sleeves, and my inpatientness comes from the fact that i am selfish and i dont want to wait for things to happen i want to make them come when i want them too! So if you can see past all of this and accept it i would like to welcome you to my crazy world! (it only gets better) :)